Positive Discipline and the Wheel of Choice

Dear Dr. Jane Nelsen,

Early in the school year my first grade students were introduced to the Positive Discipline Wheel of Choice during our classroom meetings. We use the Wheel of Choice daily to solve problems and come up with solutions. While role-playing a problem during a classroom meeting, the children discovered that each of them had their own solutions that worked best for them in any given situation. As an extension to this idea, the children created “Wheel of Choice Mobiles.” Each child first created a 5 inch “self-portrait” detailing everything from their hair to what clothes they like to wear. Next, they picked four strategies that they thought they could best use when trying to solve a problem. Then, we attached the four different strategies from their mobiles and hung them above their table spots. As a result, when the children are faced with an immediate problem they simply look up at their own mobiles and are reminded of the strategies they think works best for them. The mobiles have hung above their tables since the beginning of the year and still work as effective problem solving tools. They also celebrate their individuality and represent multiple ways to problem solve problems.

Employing Positive Discipline in the Classroom has been the most effective form of emotional and social development I have ever encountered. It is so pleasurable to be a teacher in an environment that empowers children to have a voice to share feelings and teach empathy. The children have become thoughtful, caring, reflective and effective problem solvers in a short amount of time. It has been most surprising that children at the ages of 6 and 7 can exemplify communication skills that many adults have yet to obtain. The positive supportive language between the students is quite astounding and has created a classroom filled with love, respect and intrinsically motivated learning. Thank you for your inspiring program!

Tammy Keces

New Horizons School

Irvine, CA

The Principal of New Horizon School has posted several large Wheels of Choice on outside walls where students can easily refer to them.

School Code of Conduct

Question:

Do you have any articles on School Code of Conduct?

I am on a committee in a Junior High School (Grade 7-9) for the purpose of developing a code of conduct for the students to follow.

• Some of the issues we wish to address:
• behavior between classes (in the corridors)


• behavior on the school bus (I have read your article about bus behavior on your home page)


• giving/showing respect


• consequences of negative behavior

I was hoping to get ideas from other schools and professionals to present to the committee members in preparing our own code of conduct.
Any help you can give would be appreciated.

Thanks



Answer:

Hi Mary,

Our book Positive Discipline in the Classroom addresses a school code of conduct directly and indirectly. I would like to start with your issue of giving/showing respect. We believe in mutual respect -- that it is equally important for teachers and all school personnel to show respect for students as well as visa versa. The most important way to show respect to students is to involve them in problem-solving. When students are involved in creating a code of conduct they have an investment in it and are motivated to cooperate.

Instead of consequences for negative behavior we have found it much more effective to allow students to use problems as an opportunity to learn problem-solving skills. I won't take the time or space to repeat the whole book here, but Positive Discipline in the Classroom includes the eight building blocksfor effective class meetings -- a process that answers all your questions. During class meetings students learn to "help each other" find non-punitive solutions to problems. Students feel empowered to improve their behavior when they are treated with respect, when they are listened to, and when they have their thoughts and ideas taken seriously and validated.

It is amazing what happens when teachers take the problem of behavior between classes (in the corridors) to students and ask them to develop guidelines -- or any other problem. Another useful book is, Positive Discipline A Teacher's A-Z Guide. The article you read about bus behavior is from that book. Following is another article about lunchroom behavior that illustrates the essence of what I'm trying to convey in answer to your questions. I'm sure you will see how the suggestions could be adapted to corridor behavior. The article gives suggestions for all ages of students, (the example of utensils being thrown in the trash was handled in a 7th grade class). Teachers can choose the suggestions that fit best for their grade level -- or adapt others.

I hope this helps, Mary, and that you will come to our home page often.

LUNCHROOM BEHAVIOR

From book Positive Discipline A Teacher's A-Z Guide, by Jane Nelsen, Roslyn Duffy, Linda Escobar, Kate Ortolano, and Debbie Owen-Sohocki

DISCUSSION

To "Do Lunch" means to let go of responsibilities, forget routine and to socialize extensively for a very short period of time. When the people who are "Doing Lunch" are students within a school, the potential for chaos is great. It is important to acknowledge that students need a break from their routine. It is also important that they learn to find a balance between relaxing and respecting others. Behavior in the lunchroom is a good indicator of the leadership style of school personnel. Misbehavior in the lunchroom could tell us that the leadership style is one of control. A controlling leadership style invites rebellion, resistance, and a lack of self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation and social interest. Cooperative lunchroom behavior could tell us that the school personnel leadership style is democratic. A democratic leadership style invites students to learn self-discipline,responsibility, cooperation and social interest.

SUGGESTIONS:

Anytime you see a problem behavior, simply ask the students involved what they are supposed to be doing according to the rules they helped create. (See No. 1 in Planning Ahead to Prevent Future Problems.) Often this is enough to motivate a student to change her behavior.
Another possibility is to describe the behavior you see: "I notice you are throwing food. I notice you are yelling. I notice you did not pick up your trash." Then ask, "Can you correct this problem, or would you like to put the problem on the class meeting agenda for a discussion if you don't agree with the rules, or to get help from the class?"

Admit that the behavior is a problem for you (such as loud shouting, shoving, running) even though it may not be a problem as far as the students are concerned. Ask the student if she would be willing to help you by working on a solution to the problem.

When the noise level in a lunchroom is very high, we believe that we must speak in voice that competes with that noise. Rather than yelling, lean close to the student or students and speak in a soft tone of voice.

Put all the students in the same boat. When a student at a table is throwing food, involve all of the students at that table in the clean up. "As soon as this table is cleaned up you may leave."
Let the student table monitor handle the misbehavior. (Student table monitors should be trained in methods to gain cooperation respectfully, such as using the suggestions herein. Otherwise they may try to act like dictators and invite resistance and rebellion.)

Hand a copy of the appropriate lunchroom behavior list to a table or student and ask them in a quiet voice to locate the misbehavior that they need to work on. Thank them for their cooperation.

Use a class meeting to discuss problems with behavior in the lunchroom. Invite lunchroom aides to put items on the agenda and to be present for discussion and problem-solving.

PLANNING AHEAD TO PREVENT FUTURE PROBLEMS

During a class meeting ask each class to brainstorm typical lunchroom problems and then create rules that will prevent or solve the problems. (We cannot emphasize enough how powerful it is to invite students to solve problems so they will feel respected and motivated to follow rules they have helped create.) Students enjoy role playing disrespectful lunchroom behavior followed by a role play of respectful behavior.

Invite lunchroom personnel to visit class meetings and share their concerns and ask for help and solutions. Many students are not aware of how their behavior causes problems for others.

To get students more involved in maintaining appropriate lunchroom behavior, introduce a system of students monitoring their own behavior. A position is created called a rotating monitor who ensures and respectfully motivates appropriate behavior and cleanup.

Have students from the upper grades sit with younger classes to help monitor and teach proper lunchroom behavior.

Acknowledge and validate your students need for relaxation and a break from their classroom routine. Share your own need for a lunch break. Balance this with a discussion of behavior which respects others and the property of the school.

Don't expect perfection, but keep working for improvement. Whenever something doesn't work, or works only for a short time, put it back on the class meeting agenda so the kids can discuss it and work on another solution or renewed interest in their old solution.

CLASS MEETING SOLUTIONS

During a two-day Positive Discipline in the Classroom workshop at a Navajo Reservation School, the cafeteria personnel complained about the students throwing their utensils in the garbage barrels when they scraped their food trays. A representative from the cafeteria came to a 7th grade class meeting. The students offered several suggestions. The one they chose to implement was taking turns as utensil monitors at the garbage barrels.

After about a month they decided they no longer needed utensil monitors because the students were being more respectful of school property, and were no longer throwing utensils in the garbage.

Mrs. T., an aide working in the lunchroom, put an item on the agenda for Mr. Wong's fifth grade class meeting. She shared that she was frustrated because she was having to spend a great deal of time over by the fifth grade area because of their behavior and because of the mess they were making. Mr. Wong asked her if she would like some problem-solving help and have the students in the class come up with a solution to the problem. She agreed. The class brain stormed many ideas and voted to try one which appealed to them because it involved them more in the solution.

They chose to start a system in which a student monitor at each table would be responsible to help maintain order and to make sure that students did not leave the area until any messes were cleaned up. They decided to make this position one that rotated among the students seated at the table. They were excited about trying this and agreed to work with this system for a week and then report back at the class meeting. Mrs. T. came to their meeting one week later and was delighted to be able to talk with the students about the changes she had seen. She told them that she wanted them to share their system with other classes in the school. They immediately started making plans about how they would spread the word about the system they had created.

Grandson Crying at Preschool

Question:

Dear Jane,

Please help me to help my grandson! He is only 26 months old and his parents decided to take him to a nursery although I personally think that he is not ready yet to deal with this experience, the way that is usually given to all children by the nurseries here in Cyprus.

The reason I am saying this is that he is a lovely content boy (not spoiled), who is raised on Positive Discipline, with lots of love and affection by all of us, including his nanny who adores him. He has no other young children around to share his time with, so he is used to have lots of fun in a safe environment, and sometimes he plays with other children at birthday parties or on the playground , having an adult who is known to him always around. He is a happy, encouraged 2 year old who does not need to misbehave.

Now the nursery rules are for parents to stay with the child for an hour the first day and then go home together. The 2nd or 3rd day the mother will pretend that she will go somewhere for five minutes and leave him there with a teacher (a stranger). The following day the mother must leave him for ten minutes and then leave him at the doorstep in the hands of the teacher and say good bye (whether he is crying/screaming or not).

So my grandson went to this nursery for three days now and he was really scared and crying a lot when his mother went back, after leaving him for five minutes following the rules!!! Next week he will have to suffer more and more until he gives up.

I believe that this is a very dramatic experience for any child, because all these feelings of being abandoned all of a sudden will be stored in his subconscious mind and will always be part of his program!!!

Please Jane share your wisdom with me and advise me how to deal with this situation before we turn an encouraged child into a discouraged child because of Nursery Rules!!!!!

Thank you very much in advance, Elenitsa

Answer:

Dear Elenitsa,

Oh my goodness, you sound like a grandma. (You may know that I now have 20 grandchildren, including my 11 month old of my youngest daughter. I'm so devoted to him that I purchased a house in San Diego so I can spend lots of time here.) I tell you this so you'll know I understand. In fact, they recently tried to put Greyson in a 3 hour morning program (at 10 mos.) and he cried so much that they gave up. I definitely thought he was too young.

However, I think your grandson may be just fine. The big question is how does he act after his parents leave. I use to have a morning preschool (many years ago) and I could hardly wait for the parents to leave because the children would be just fine soon after they left.

Actually, the schools rules that you describe, sound good to me. Elenitsa, I don't know for sure if he is ready or not, but I have a hunch that he could be. I don't believe he will suffer feelings of abandonment (he is loved too much). It is very possible that he will learn to feel more confident and capable. A big part depends on the energy he feels from his parents (and on how he is once they leave.)

Following is an excerpt from Positive Discipline for Childcare Providers. At the end is my story of what happened when I felt so guilty about taking Mark to a Preschool when he was 26 months old. Keep in mind, that I knew this was a very good preschool and I had even trained the staff.


Crying (See Clinging and Separation Anxiety)

Child Development Concept

Crying is a language. In fact, it is the only language infants and very young children possess Adults would not be so nervous or annoyed when children cry if they accepted this fact. Children cry for too many reasons to elaborate here, but a few of them are frustration, fear, pain, or an effort to manipulate adults. No matter what the reason, the best way to deal with crying is with an attitude of dignity and respect.
Suggestions:

It is never a good idea to tell a child to stop crying (never mind that it rarely works). It is even worse to tell a child, "Big girls/boys don't cry." We know adults mean well when they say, "Don't cry," but that is the same as saying, "Don't communicate. It makes me uncomfortable."

Use your intuition (and/or the mistaken goal chart on page X) to give you clues about why the child is crying. The child may be crying in an attempt to find belonging through undue attention. He may be using "water power" as a misguided way to seek belonging. The child may feel hurt (possibly because he has been dethroned by a new baby at home, or because he feels abandoned) and feels his only option is revenge (which he takes out on whomever is in his path), or perhaps he feels inadequate and just wants to give up. Each of these goals would be handled differently. Check the mistaken goal chart for specific ideas.

If you sense the crying is due to fear or frustration, do your best to offer comfort. If a child is experiencing separation anxiety, it may help to hold her for a while. Every childcare environment should have a rocking chair. Sometimes an older child can help comfort or rock a younger child.

If you think the child is frustrated, validate her feelings. "You are feeling angry right now." "You wish you could do what the older kids are doing."

Sometimes it is okay to simply allow the child to have his feelings. You might say, "It is okay to cry. I hope you feel better soon."

If the child has been involved in creating a "Positive Time Out" area (see page X), you might ask, "Would it help you to go to our 'feel good place' (or whatever your children have decided to call it) for awhile?"

If you feel the child is crying in an effort to manipulate you, state what you are willing to do or what needs to be done. "I know you want me to put your shoes on for you, but I have faith in you to do it yourself. I'll come back in a few minutes so you can show me what you have done." Or "I know you don't want to help clean up, and now it is cleanup time."

Communicate with parents to stay informed about what might be going on at home that is affecting the child's behavior.

Tips for working with parents

Parents will feel differently about crying when they understand it is a language. They will be more effective when they learn to understand (not speak) the language. They can also take time to teach skills that many help the child learn other ways to behave and communicate, as in the example below.

After following all the guidelines to find a good child care situation for twi-year-old Mark (and knowing that the preschool she picked was excellent), Mrs. Nelsen was distressed when Mark cried every morning when she left him there. Parting was very difficult and Mrs. Nelsen would leave with a heavy heart. However, she noticed that when she came by to pick him up at the end of the day, Mark didn't want to leave. He was having a great time.

Mrs. Nelsen thought, "Hmmmm. What is wrong with this picture?" Then she remembered hearing that children know their parents' "buttons" and how to push them. She had a "working mother guilt button," and Mark was pushing it with great skill.

That evening Mrs. Nelsen said to Mark, "Let's play a pretend game. Let's pretend you are the mommy and I'll be Mark. When you take me to school, I'll cry and tell you I don't want you to go." Mark thought that was great fun. I cried and held on to his legs. He laughed and laughed. Then Mrs. Nelsen said, "Okay, now you pretend you are Mark and I'm the mommy and you can cry and hang on to me when I take you to school." Of course, Mark already knew how to do this very well, but he had a hard time crying when it was just pretend. He ended up laughing as he held on to Mrs. Nelsen's legs.

They were both laughing as Mrs. Nelsen said, "Well, I know you know how to do a crying goodbye, because you have been doing it every morning. Now let's practice giving a hugging goodbye. You be the mommy first and I'll be Mark. Pretend you have just taken me to school." Mark took her by the hand and walked her to the imaginary school. Mrs. Nelsen gave him a hug and said, "Bye Mommy, See you later." Then it was Mark's turn and he repeated the scene with a goodbye hug. Then Mrs. Nelsen said, "Now you know how to do both a crying goodbye and a hugging goodbye. Tomorrow you can decide which one you want to do."

The next morning Mrs. Nelsen reminded Mark that he could decide to give her a hugging goodbye or a crying goodbye and said, "I wonder which one you will choose?" Mrs. Nelsen wasn't surprised when Mark decided to give her a hugging goodbye, even though either choice would have been okay with her. Later she shared with a friend that she thought she knew why he chose the hugging goodbye. First, she had given up her guilt button. She felt very confident that Mark was spending his days in an excellent environment. She said, "I don't know how he knew that I no longer had a guilt button, but I know he knew." Second, she had taken time for training so Mark had the skills for a hugging goodbye as well as a crying goodbye – and he knew it was his choice.

Elenitsa, I hope this helps. Remember, I don't know the whole picture, but I do believe there is a lot of "extreme" parenting going on these days. Let me know how it goes.

Response
Dear Jane,

"Thank You" is such a small phrase that cannot express my gratitude for your wise thoughts and suggestions!!! Yes, I sound like a grandma (perhaps a little bit overprotective, which I try to overcome!!!).

When Children Hit

When Children Hit

Question:

Hello. I have two of your books - A to Z and PD for Preschoolers and neither quite addresses our issue. On the topic of hitting you say: When your preschooler hits you, decide what you will do instead of trying to control your child. Let her know that every time she hits you, you will leave the room until she is ready to treat you respectfully. After you have told her this once, follow through without any words. Leave immediately. The thing is, if I try to do this, my son chases me (and his dad) out of the room, hitting all the while. I cannot leave without him hot on my heels. If I remove him (pick him up), he is kicking and screaming and will only stay somewhere if I lock him in. How do I approach this? Thank you for your time. Caroline

Answer:

Hi Caroline, I experienced the same challenge with one of my children and used what Dreikurs called "the bathroom technique." I would go to the bathroom and lock the door. (If you decide to do this, be sure to have a good book to read.) The first time I did this I thought Dreikurs was nuts because my kids (two of them) followed me and were pounding on the door. One even slipped a note under the door. However, I stuck it out without saying a word, and pretty soon they went away. The next time they treated me disrespectfully (honestly can't remember what they did--it was so long ago--which shows how unimportant it is), I went to the bathroom again. This time the kids didn't follow me and they stopped their misbehavior.

There are two tricks to making this work:

1) During a calm time, let them know in advance what you are going to do. (Maybe during a family meeting.)
2) When you follow through don't say a word. No lectures. No threats. Just let them have their feelings.

It doesn't take them long to learn that if you say it you mean it, and if you mean it, you will follow through. This is a great model for them about how to treat themselves respectfully instead of trying to change someone else.

My best to you,
Jane Nelsen

http://www.positivediscipline.com/

I Was Punished, and I Turned Out

I was watching an Oprah show last night when I heard her express something very similar to what I know and have written about in the following article. Getting Oprah on the bandwagon could certainly help get the message out. For those of you who may have read this article, I revised it this morning.

“I Was Punished, and I Turned Out Just Fine”

How fine is “fine”? Fine is relative. Yes, most of us turned out just “fine.” We can laugh at some of the punishments we received as a child—and even say we deserved them. However, if we had been allowed to learn from our mistakes instead of being made to pay for them, is it possible we might be even better than “fine”?

Punishment is designed to make children “pay” for their mistakes. Discipline that teaches (the definition we prefer) is designed to help children learn from their mistakes in an atmosphere of encouragement and support. In the following story, Stan was led through a process that helped him understand the difference between punitive and non-punitive (positive)
discipline.

Stan told his parenting group about a time he cheated on a fifth-grade test. He said, “I was stupid enough to write some answers on the palm of my hand. The teacher saw me open my fist to find an answer. She grabbed my paper and tore it up in front of everyone in the class. I received an F on the test and was publicly called a cheater. The teacher told my parents and my father gave me a whipping and grounded me for a month. I never cheated again, and I certainly deserved the F.”

The group leader helped him explore this experience to help everyone in the class see if there might be a more productive way to handle this situation.

Leader:
Does everyone agree with Stan that he deserved the F?

Group:
Yes.

Leader:
Would the F have been enough to teach him the consequences of his choices, or did he need the punishment also?
Group:
Hmmmmm.
Leader:
What do you think, Stan? How did you feel about getting the F for cheating?
Stan:
I felt very guilty and very embarrassed.
Leader:
What did you decide from that?
Stan:
That I wouldn’t do it again.
Leader:
When we hear this, we may think, “See, it worked.” But let’s explore a little further and see how what may have seemed to “work” for the moment, may have had some harmful long-term results. Stan, what did you decide after receiving the whipping (punishment)?
Stan:
That I was a disappointment to my parents. I still worry about disappointing them. When I think about it, I realize how much I live in fear and self-doubt.
Leader:
So how did the punishment help you?
Stan:
Well, I had already decided I wouldn’t cheat again. The guilt and embarrassment of getting caught in front of others was enough to teach me that lesson. Actually, the worry about disappointing my parents is a real burden.
Leader:
If you had a magic wand and could change the script of that event, how would you change it? How would you change what anyone said or did?

Stan:
Well, I wouldn’t cheat.

Leader:
And after that?
Stan:
I don’t know.

Leader:
Who has any ideas you could give Stan? It is usually easier to see possibilities when you aren’t emotionally involved. What could Stan’s teacher or parents have done or said that would have demonstrated kind and firm discipline that would be effective short-term and long-term?

Group Member (Sylvia):
I’m a teacher, and I’m learning a lot from this. The teacher could have taken Stan aside and asked him why he was cheating instead of embarrassing him in front of the whole class.
Leader:
Stan, what would you have answered to that?

Stan:
That I wanted to pass the test.

Sylvia:
Then I could appreciate his desire to pass and ask him how he felt about cheating as a way to accomplish that.
Stan:
I could honestly say that it didn’t feel good and would promise never to do it again.
Sylvia:
I would then tell him he would have to receive an F for this test but that I was glad he had learned that cheating doesn’t feel good and isn’t helpful in the long run. I would then ask him to prepare a plan for me about what he would do to pass the next test.
Stan:
I would still feel guilty and embarrassed about cheating, but I would also appreciate the kindness along with the firmness. Now I see what that means.
Leader:
What Stan is teaching us is that it can be very effective to allow children to experience the consequences of their choices without adding consequences (poorly disguised punishments). Lectures just instill a sense of doubt and shame. Helping children explore the consequences
of their choices through curiosity questions can be very empowering because this helps children think for themselves and come to their own conclusions in a friendly and supportive atmosphere.
So Stan, now do you have any ideas how you could use your magic wand to change what your parents did?
Stan:
It would have been nice if they had acknowledged how guilty and embarrassed I felt. They could have empathized about what a tough lesson that was for me to learn. Then they could express their faith in me to learn from my experience and to do the right thing in the future. They could reassure me that they would love me no matter what, but that they hoped I wouldn’t disappoint myself in the future. Wow, what a concept--to worry more about disappointing myself than my parents. I find that very encouraging.

Leader:
Thank you Stan. You have just mentioned several Positive Discipline concepts and tools:

1. Positive Discipline does not mean letting children “get away” with their behavior.


2. Positive Discipline does mean helping children explore the consequences of their choices in a supportive and encouraging environment so that lasting growth and learning can
   take place by using the following tools:

• Validating feelings instead of scolding or rescuing.


• Using curiosity questions to help children explore the consequences of their choices (how they feel, what they learned, what they can do in the future) instead of shaming them through lectures and telling them how they should feel, what they should learn, and what they should do.


• Having faith in children that they can learn from their mistakes and figure out what to do in the future when encouraged to do so in a friendly and supportive atmosphere.


• Inviting children to come up with a plan (focusing on solutions) to solve the problem.


• Expressing unconditional love.

Most people turned out “fine” even if they were punished—and they might have learned even more had they received both kindness and firmness to learn from mistakes.

Turning out “fine” isn’t the issue. Are you satisfied with “fine,” or do you want your children to have the kind of nurturing that helps them bloom into the best people they can possibly be? You nurture the best in your children when your methods meet the five criteria for Positive Discipline.

• Helps children feel a sense of connection? (Belonging and Significance)


• Respectful and encouraging? (Kind and firm at the same time)


• Effective long-term? (Punishment works short term, but has negative long-term results.)


• Teaches valuable social and life skills for good character? (Respect, concern for others, problem-solving, cooperation)


• Invites children to discover how capable they are? (Encourages the constructive use of personal power and autonomy)

Are you satisfied with having your children turn out “just fine,” or would you prefer that they feel capable and empowered to be the best that they can be?

Dr. Jane Nelsen

A Positive Discipline School in Portland, OR

I just returned from doing a teacher in-service at Emerson School in Portland, OR and my heart is full. This school is a wonderful place to be. Read about their philosophy and their physical setting and you will know why. The teachers are so loving and competent—and they love Positive Discipline.

On Friday, I visited class meetings and felt so gratified. It made my life’s work seem so worthwhile to see children giving each other compliments that were so articulate, thoughtful, specific, and sincere. Listening to them solve problems was such a joy. They were so respectful of each other and so thoughtful as they brainstormed for solutions to problems. One class had a lot of fun role playing a suggested solution so the student could practice doing what she thought would solve the problem. When possessing what they learned from the role play, many of the students shared insights they had gained that they would not have noticed before.

The teachers confessed that they really don’t have many problems to work on because the students have learned so much about respect and problem-solving from their daily exposure to Positive Discipline class meetings and other methods.

Before arriving in Portland I had been thinking about how sad it is that homework and testing has become such a source of misery for students, parents, and teachers. In fact, I have been thinking about writing a book titled, "Homework and Testing Hell." It is so sad to me that homework power struggles take up so much family time. I hear parents share their obsession with good grades (they feel so much pressure to have their children achieve academically), and sadly watch children feel so discouraged as they feel the "sense" that grades are more important to their parents than they are. This hurts, so they often rebel or get even by purposely showing a lack of concern and motivation. Some actually give up because it seems so impossible to meet all the expectations put upon them. I was feeling very discouraged until I walked into Emerson School.

The staff at Emerson struggles with the homework and testing issues. They know that tests and homework are not true indicators of learning—and, if fact, often take the joy out of learning. Still they have to comply with state testing. They work very hard to create a balance of the "ridiculous" things they have to do by making sure they have a curriculum and includes opportunities for true joy in learning.

During our Saturday in-service, I wanted to make sure the teachers also experienced the joy of learning as we engaged in many experiential activities including, "It’s a Jungle Out There," a fun way to learn about respecting separate realities and team building; "Cooperative Juggling," to teach about the need for guidelines to avoid chaos—and that every person is essential to the success of the group; "Six Lists" to create a map (through brainstorming six lists) about what we want for our children, and how challenges can help us get there through understanding how to avoid the negatives of being only kind or only firm so we can experience the positives of being both kind and firm; "Top Card" to help teacher’s gain a better awareness of the assets and liabilities of their own personalities and what they invite from others (children), and the "Teachers Helping Teachers Problem Solving Steps" where teachers learn to support each other in role playing for better understanding of a behavior challenge, and the brainstorming for encouraging ways to use the challenging behaviors as a platform for teaching students valuable social and life skills for good character. I believe I speak for the teachers when I say we had a lot of fun and learned a lot.

I have asked Emerson School to become a Positive Discipline demonstration school and they are excited about the possibility. Don’t pass up the opportunity to visit this wonderful school if you get a chance.