Have you ever tried talking with your children only to be frustrated by one word, unenthusiastic, totally bored responses? Many parents become discouraged when they ask their children, “How was your day?” and their children say, “Fine.” Then they ask, “What did you do today?” The response is, “Nothing.”
Try closet listening.
Closet listening means you find times to be near your children, hoping they will talk with you, but not being obvious about it. I tried this with my daughter, Mary, when she was a teenager. While Mary was getting ready for school, fixing her hair and makeup at the bathroom mirror, I would go in and sit on the edge of the tub. The first time I did this, Mary asked, “What do you want, Mama?” I said, “Nothing, except that I just want to spend a few minutes with you.” Mary waited to see what would come next. Nothing did. She finished fixing her hair and makeup and said, “Bye, Mama.”
I continued to do this every morning. It wasn’t long before Mary got used to having me there. I didn’t ask any questions, but before long, Mary would chat away about all the things that were going on in her life.
Children often feel interrogated. You may be ready to talk when your child isn’t. Experiment by serving cookies without asking, “How was your day?” Just sit there. Perhaps children who resist questions will respond when you make yourself available and just listen.
Click on the link below to listen to Dr. Jane Nelsen talk about Closet Listening
Click Here if you do not see the MP3 player.
