Friday, October 16, 2009

Sense of Humor and CD Packages

When I started the Positive Discipline Network, I had no idea it would be so gratifying. Members are so supportive and encouraging to each other. And, they share such great material. Heather Hurtt gave permission to use her example in the following article.

Use Your Sense of Humor
By Jane Nelsen and Heather Hurtt

When your children are biting, hitting, fighting with each other, are you able to stay calm and loving, or do you lose it?

One mother shared, “I have a 1-year-old daughter and 3-1/2-year-old son and at times my son hits his sister, hits me, hits other kids at the playground. It's normal for this to totally get to you and I have totally lost it completely on more than one occasion with my son because I could simply not take it anymore and be calm. One of the things I do now to try and diffuse it for him and to stay calm for me is to use humor. First, I'll try to validate the feeling - like I see you want some attention from Mommy and then in a silly voice..."Mommy likes kisses, not hitting or biting," and I'll grab both arms and give him some funny kisses on his face, neck or arm, etc., and then throw in a tickle.
Another idea could be to validate and then simply say, “Ouch, hitting hurts,” and then redirect immediately with something physical like, “Let's race to the kitchen,” and then later on do a role-play about it with her and what other type of behavior she could use.
When it has gotten bad where my son has repeated the behavior several times and I'm feeling more and more emotionally upset, I literally will remove myself physically from the situation and say, “Mommy needs to go to her “feel better place” (my positive time-out) and then we will play.”
This mother represents many motherswho sometimes lose it and sometimes are very creative at being kind and firm at the same time. She also knows that a sense of humor is not always appropriate and that just taking care of herself is the wisest thing she can do before she can be more pro-active with her child. Even that is being very pro-activegiving her child a great example of learning to take some time to feel better before she can do better. (See the Positive Time-Out Tool Card.)
Positive Discipline CDs:  
Kelly Heet gave permission to use her name (and her husbands) for the following tip: Just a tip for those of you who have husbands who aren't "readers"... try the CDs! My husband always says he doesn't have time to read parenting books, but when I gave him the CDs to listen to in his car, he thanked me profusely and said "now I can see why you've been wanting me to do this!"  

Kelly Heet (and Paul)
Baldwin, MO
The CDs are now available in money saving packages

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Workshop in Spanish and Positive Discipline Network

Two-day Workshop in Spanish

First I want to share the exciting news that Laura Garcia is offering another 2-day workshop on Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way in Spanish. For more information on here workshop and all the other 2-day workshops, go to

When I created the Positive Discipline Social Network, I had no idea it would be so wonderful—thanks to members like Kelly Heet. Following is her comment to a mother of a 2 ½-year-old who was feeling very discouraged by her daughter’s challenging behaviors:

First off, take some time-out for yourself. When I find myself getting to my wits end, I know that I have been neglecting myself. Even just taking an hour to do something for you (with no kids) can probably work wonders.

Next, Have you read any of the Positive Discipline books? If not, I'd highly recommend it. If you are looking for some overview material, check out the PD website, and listen to the podcasts.

We've all been there (feeling like there is nothing that works, and nothing left to try...), but please give PD a chance. It has been a godsend to our family (and so many others). The #1 thing you will discover is that children WANT to feel like they belong, and that they are making a significant contribution... so helping them to find a way to do that helps to eliminate soooooo many of the problems that we all used to have with more traditional discipline methods (read: punishments).

My "top 5" useful hints from PD are:
1) What can you do to help Mommy?
2) Would you like to do (blank) or (blank)? - [Just be sure that either choice is OK with you BEFORE you offer it]
3) Would you like a hug?
4) I see that you are very upset right now... I can understand that.
5) I love you and the answer is no.

At 2 1/2, she probably does think that the "time out" game is pretty funny. When you start to look at things from the point of view of a child that young, you'll see how many of the things we do as adults must seem pretty silly to small children. : )

I tell people that I had so many "aha" moments when reading PD, that I had a red mark on my forehead for about a week (from slapping my head and saying "well of COURSE!!")

When I started using PD, I started with a routine chart for both morning and bedtime... and that alone helped cut about half of the battles I used to have with my son. Just a suggestion.

Best of luck to you!

Kelly Heet

This is just one example of the encouraging support offered by so many members of the PD Network. Thanks so much to all of you.