Kind and Firm Parenting

It is my honor to be part of Barnes and Noble Kids Expert Circle. I will be writing several articles for them and recommending books. Let me if you have any favorite children's books (and what they teach) that you would recommend, or other books related to kids.


Kind and Firm Parenting
by Dr. Jane Nelsen

A foundation of positive discipline is to be kind and firm at the same time. Many parents know how to be kind — until they get upset. Then they know how to be firm without being kind. Some parents vacillate between the two — being kind until they can't stand their kids (who develop an entitlement attitude), and then being firm until they can't stand themselves (feeling like tyrants).

Putting kind and firm together is the challenge. One of my favorite examples of kind and firm at the same time is, "I love you, and the answer is no."

Another example is to validate a child's feelings and then allow her to recover from those feelings. "I can see you are very disappointed that you didn't get a better grade." Then comes the tough part — no rescuing and no lectures. Simply allow her to discover that she can get over her disappointment and figure out what might increase her chances of getting what she wants in the future.


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