Monday, November 9, 2009

Hugs to Create a Connection



Many of you know that “Hugs” is one of my favorite Positive Discipline Tool Cards. A hug is one of the best ways to create the important theme of Positive Discipline: Connection Before Correction. I have been receiving some great hug stories and have decided to start collecting them and sharing them with you. Shannon Alvarez, a member of the Positive Discipline Network just posted the following story and gave me permission to share it on this blog.

“I thought you would appreciate this story. I know some of the PD strategies because my mom has taught me a lot, but I am new to PD and only just reading my first Jane Nelson book: Positive Time Out. Anyway, last night, I told my husband he could either put my 3 year old to bed (she was already bathed) or bathe the other 3 kids. So he decided to put my daughter to bed. Well, she wasn't happy about not having mommy to read her books, so she was not being nice to him and eventually socked him right in the eye. Of course, my husband got really upset and started being mean to her and telling her she wasn't going to get any books, etc. At this point, I walked in, not realizing what was going on. After my (steaming mad!) husband told me what was going on, I told him she needs a hug. It took him about a full minute (with my coaching) to come down from HIS anger to allow himself to go back to her and hug her, but he eventually did and he told her that he loved her, etc. (At this point I walked out of the room, so I'm not sure everything that was said) But when I walked past again, they were snuggling together on the bed and reading books. Later my husband thanked me for helping him through that moment and he was surprised at how well it worked. It was such a breakthrough in his mind for Positive Discipline, it was awesome!!!
As soon as I finish the Positive Time Out book, I plan to hold a family meeting and start implementing asap! I love the concept and I am confident it will work in my family! (Even for my strong willed children!) Thanks for all you do!"

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