Friday, October 16, 2009

Sense of Humor and CD Packages

When I started the Positive Discipline Network, I had no idea it would be so gratifying. Members are so supportive and encouraging to each other. And, they share such great material. Heather Hurtt gave permission to use her example in the following article.

Use Your Sense of Humor
By Jane Nelsen and Heather Hurtt

When your children are biting, hitting, fighting with each other, are you able to stay calm and loving, or do you lose it?

One mother shared, “I have a 1-year-old daughter and 3-1/2-year-old son and at times my son hits his sister, hits me, hits other kids at the playground. It's normal for this to totally get to you and I have totally lost it completely on more than one occasion with my son because I could simply not take it anymore and be calm. One of the things I do now to try and diffuse it for him and to stay calm for me is to use humor. First, I'll try to validate the feeling - like I see you want some attention from Mommy and then in a silly voice..."Mommy likes kisses, not hitting or biting," and I'll grab both arms and give him some funny kisses on his face, neck or arm, etc., and then throw in a tickle.
Another idea could be to validate and then simply say, “Ouch, hitting hurts,” and then redirect immediately with something physical like, “Let's race to the kitchen,” and then later on do a role-play about it with her and what other type of behavior she could use.
When it has gotten bad where my son has repeated the behavior several times and I'm feeling more and more emotionally upset, I literally will remove myself physically from the situation and say, “Mommy needs to go to her “feel better place” (my positive time-out) and then we will play.”
This mother represents many motherswho sometimes lose it and sometimes are very creative at being kind and firm at the same time. She also knows that a sense of humor is not always appropriate and that just taking care of herself is the wisest thing she can do before she can be more pro-active with her child. Even that is being very pro-activegiving her child a great example of learning to take some time to feel better before she can do better. (See the Positive Time-Out Tool Card.)
Positive Discipline CDs:  
Kelly Heet gave permission to use her name (and her husbands) for the following tip: Just a tip for those of you who have husbands who aren't "readers"... try the CDs! My husband always says he doesn't have time to read parenting books, but when I gave him the CDs to listen to in his car, he thanked me profusely and said "now I can see why you've been wanting me to do this!"  

Kelly Heet (and Paul)
Baldwin, MO
The CDs are now available in money saving packages

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